Author Archive for Jordan

13
Mar
10

i got drunk in my bedroom tonight and liveblogged the dj khaled album

as the title says. at the end of the song i noted which rapper on the song went THE HARDEST and if anyone on the track actually WENT IN

intro ft diddy & busta rhymes

a khaled cold open here. “in life there are people that hustle — in life there are people who grind — and then there is we the best music, who make history.” “i have overcome the evilest hate ever that mankind has ever witnessed.” “this album contains my pain, my blessing. the songs on this album is my voice, the drums on this album is my heart.” “out here grinding. i go hard. i am the streets. when they say kahled they say warrior.” “it’s always the people closest to you who dont’ want you to grow.” is he talking about being legally a midget? is rick ross a hater? i missed where busta rhymes was involved in this intro, prob for the best

oh he just yells “where my niggas is at? where my bitches is at?” for no reason

all i do is win ft t-pain/luda/snoop/ross

yeah this is the worst chorus t-pain has ever written besides that maino song? it sounds like he’s saying “and i can never get it up” but i assume he’s not. luda flows really well on this song but lyrically he’s such a geriatric. he makes reference to the “i’m so hood” rmx. OH HOW I YEARN FOR THE GLORY DAYS. this song actually picks up with ross’s verse. big stadium thump drums, ross sounds a bit thin on the track and decidedly unbossy. i predict that snoop dogg’s verse will suck major ass. *waits for awful chorus to pass*. yeah snoop’s slithery pimp whisper doesn’t really work on runners beats does it now?

after two songs, i would say that rick ross has gone the most hard — i will update

put your hands up ft jeezy/rick ross/plies (thank god)/schife (who?)

between this chorus and “all i do is win” there is lots of hands being put up for indefinite periods of time. this beat sounds like the runners fell asleep on a keyboard. jeezy on the hook here sounds super constipated and we haven’t even hit plies’s verse yet. oh well, plies’ verse was super disappointing. lots of clenched screaming. ross up now, really the only person who still sounds okay over these crap overheated runners beats. this song is really stagnant and really sucks balls, but i guess schife is coming up at least. oh shcife was the dude on the hook i guess. sounds a lot like jeezy.

rick ross again went the most hard and on that song

fed up ft usher/jeezy/rick ross/drake/wayne

i love the concept of this song — like khaled just realizing one day how fed up he is. jeezy’s opening line on this joint — “i am absolutely, positively on my grizzy” — annoys me to no end. usher sounds pretty terrible on this song, his voice is way too thin for runners beats. i already know that usher has the best rap verse on this. haha god damn, some epic fake drake DEEP THOUGHTS on this one — JUST PLEASE DON’T DIE ON EEMMMM — yeah good point i guess. “i go hard like a.c. slater” is the worst wayne line ever that isn’t about defecation. i’m sure people who dig his three years too late “catalina wine mixer” punchline are digging his a.c. slater refs. this song is garbage but has the best chorus.

usher went the hardest on this song. he might have even have gone in.

victory ft john legend & nas

nas being on every dj khaled album is such a weird phenomenon to me. this is just nas spitting over a stadium piano beat and by default is by far the best joint on here so far. not really paying attention to the lyrics but the couplets are stacking up nicely syllabicly (?) here. i will retain this song for my hard drive actually. nas spits for like two & a half mins straight which is good cuz john legend is an annoying hook presence.

nas went extremely hard & he went in on this song

ball ft jim jones & schife

holy shit this is gonna be three verses of jim jones isn’t it??????????? oh my god, his speaking-not-rapping flow is gonna make this song feel like it’s 9 mins long. i once argued over who was better, jim jones or shawty lo. we all lost that argument. this chorus is this guy schife going “ball UH/ball UH/ball UH/ball UH/”. whatever. i’m not listening to the rest of this.

no went hard on this song, and no one went in

rockin all my chains on ft birdman/bun b/soulja boy

i have high expectations for this one. totally anticipating this birdman verse. aw man… bun b phoning in a verse for this album is just the epitome of lazy. “i got yams like thanksgiving dinner/trap goin ham like thanksgiving dinner.” good heavens. i hope he bought his loved ones nice things with the $20 grand or whatever he got for this feature. oh boy birdman just rhymed chicken/chicken/chicken/kitchen. soulja boy really has the opportunity to redeem this song or take it to depths yet unseen. hahaha wtf this song starts off with soulja singing “la la la” for a few bars. south beach & mouthpiece is probably the best rap on here. “i’m a dog, motherfuck a damn leash.” fair enough.

i would have to say that soulja boy went hardest on this song, but he did not go in

killing me ft/ buju banton, busta rhymes & bounty killer

this beat is this percolating keyboard thing that sounds like a clock ticking. buju banton has a verse. it sounds like a buju banton verse idk. this chorus is terrible. busta: “swag undeniabububle/shawty’s beauty undescribububle” — if anyone else listened to this album i would make a poll for “most phoned in verse on dj khaled’s ‘victory’” because every song brings something lazier than the song before it. bounty killer verse is alright i guess.

bounty killer went hardest on this song, but he did not go in

bringing real rap back ft rum

is this song a fucking joke? who the hell is rum? what kind of name is this? THERE IS ALREADY A GUY NAMED GUNPLAY, GUY. jesus this guy terrible. this is like if a sewer rat could rap. I AM BRINGING MY SKIP BUTTON BACK, RUM

bring the money out ft nelly/jeezy/ace hood/boosie

this is a hilarious group. nelly is using a weird cadence here. most uptempo beat here — triumphant keyboards that would be strings if anyone cared about this album. nice hook from jeezy. boosie totally phoned his verse in here but it’s nice to hear his voice & energy here amongst this general world’s fair of mediocrity. this beat is pretty nice. second best song on here easily after the nas joint. oooh some nice grocery bag lines from ace hood — “i’m the shit, period… GOTEX/ fuck a hater in his thoughts… SAFE SEX” & “mr. hood stretch money… BOWFLEX” — well nice to know that ace hood is making culturally relevant references, here in the year of our lord, 2002.

i would say that boosie went the hardest, and he went… halfway in. just the tip of in.

on my way ft kevin cossum/ace hood/gunplay/ball greezy/desloc piccalo/rum/ice berg

this has to be the most incomprehensible posse cut ever to appear on a major label album? btw that list is not one of those test questions like “WHICH OF THESE PEOPLE DOES NOT EXIST” — i think ace hood & gunplay just rapped? i literally have no idea what any of these guys voices sound like. ball greezy had that really amazing song a few years back, funny to see him show up here. he said his name in his verse here and he can actually flow. i believe that i am listening to desloc piccalo right now? i’m in college, i’m 21, and i’m sitting here on my bed drinking beer in my room alone, listening to desloc piccalo rap. i’m sorry mom.

ball greezy went the hardest here, but he did not go in

i am drinking dos equis right now & can confirm that i am not the most interesting person in the world tonight

i can’t think of a more uninteresting 6 minute song than that one

rep my city ft pitbull/jarvis

not only does this album have the most phone in verses and choruses and beats in recent memory, but it also has the most phoned in rapper names. iceberg, rum, jarvis. pitbull is on this song rapping spanish. i won’t hate. this beat is alright, some cool drum programming in the context of this album. and you can actually here the bass. i’m not gonna listen to this whole thing though.

this album was garbage, only a few verses went hard and i think only nas truly went in. OH WELL.

i am now going to cleanse my spirit by listening to “holla at me”

can we just reflect on what a desloc piccolo is

05
Nov
09

The Power of Diminished Expectations

noceilings_cover2

“Sorry, but I don’t respect who you applauding / Little nigga flow, but his metaphors boring”

This was a pretty laughable diss of Lil Wayne by Pusha T back in Feb. 2008. Wayne was on the verge of dropping one of the biggest albums of the decade, Clipse were coming off of a pretty invisible album in the grand scheme of things, and on top of it all were themselves struggling with coming up with new metaphors for selling and cooking coke. But damn if it isn’t a shot that rings loud and true right about now.

No Ceilings has wholly dominated rap criticism Twitter since it emerged last week, and the general consensus that it represents a return of Wayne circa-Da Drought 3— probably the purest representation of his lucid genius— is, in a word, laughable. I think it’s easy to confuse the two: here’s Wayne rapping over contemporary pop rap beats without his Autotune Jason mask and largely without Gudda Gudda, Jae Millz and Mack Maine playing Kukoc, Kerr and Longley. But the Wayne on No Ceilings and the Wayne on DD3 are worlds apart.

Mainly I think people are turning a blind eye to just how lazy, formulaic and uninventive Wayne is as a rapper right now. No Ceilings is just littered with groan-worthy lines that are utterly elementary and not nearly as clever as Wayne thinks they are: “I leave the pussy micro soft like Windows Vista”; “Shake the game like the Hit Stick”; “We the motherfuckers like MILF”; “I’m fresher than a Degree stick”; “Flip your fitted cap back like Fred Durst”; “Big shit like a horse ass”. And those are all in the first four songs, and I ignored nerdy sports references that have begun to only marginally make sense. These examples I listed are sub-Bo Burnham, who I think for a teenager is a better rap satirist than most, but it makes me wonder if Wayne doesn’t even realize that he’s the joke.

And really, Wayne is leaving it at “We the motherfuckers like MILF.” He no longer bothers to construct images— there is no “I’m so motherfucking high I could eat a star”, no “top peeled back like the skin of a potato”, no “yellow, white diamonds/ call ‘em cheese on them grits”. He no longer bothers to switch up his flow. He no longer throws in hilarious asides like his now famous Gremlins line that both added to his singularity and further shined light on his tastes and personality. Now he’s the co-opter, name dropping something like “Catalina Wine Mixer” and just leaving it as a placeholder, a billboard. There’s nothing as insightful, or as catchy, as “seat way back listening to Anita Baker/ riding by myself, smoking weed by the acre”. He’s no longer using the base simile as a jumping off point for a past-the-margins scribble, there’s nothing here like “Got the engine shaking like a tambourine/ With some lips like Angelin-/-a, holy God flow, I go where no other guy go”. He’s a hack punchline rapper, a mediocre stand-up comedian, reduced to the level of Fabolous and Joe Budden, still cloaking his lyrics in that raspy voice but no longer bringing any of the weird, uncontrollable and fascinating thoughts brought on by the weed that made that voice raspy in the first place. Now, he’s just a burnout, flashing moments of what he used to be (“Sheesh, gosh, osh, kosh, b-gosh/ smoking on that Bob Marley, listening to Pete Tosh” is one moment here so Drought-esque that it hits like cold water to the face), but mostly just rapping really emphatically without the brain, heart or soul that made him the world’s most compelling rapper two years ago. But since he can still ride a beat like a motherfucker and isn’t singing lullabies to syrup, everyone is either not noticing or choosing to ignore. But make no mistake, the Trojan Horse is empty.

07
Aug
09

Nipsey

nipsey-hussle-bullets-aint-got-no-name-vol3-front-540x486

Haven’t listened to this closely enough to say anything grand about it, but out of all new young rappers I don’t think anyone cuts through bullshit— either intentionally or unintentionally— quicker than Nipsey. Maybe this is ignorant, but I got a feeling that it’s got something to do with him being isolated out in Cali where, as far as I can tell, there’s not much of a “scene” going on right now. He doesn’t have to deal with any of the backbiting of the blog/vlog/magazine/radio circus in NYC or any of the shameless swag & Autotune bandwagoning of Atlanta. His rapping his just head-down, driven and forceful. This idea of course isn’t limited to Nipsey— I feel the same way about Boosie and G-Side, for instance— but it’s constantly refreshing either way. Let’s make sure he stays away from Cool & Dre.

07
Aug
09

A post where I rep for J. Futuristic (also Yung LA)

Alright well not really. I’m not sure if anyone cares about J. Futuristic, but he’s becoming mildly omnipresent (on the internet?) and I like that he’s a good vehicle for stupid fruity crazy swag cotton candy carnival producers. As a rapper he brings about the bare minimum, but he’s pretty adept at sliding around with these densely melodic beats.“Sauce” is probably the best example— as a rap song it’s pretty laughable as the guy spends the whole time making a metaphor between swag and, like, A1 Steak Sauce and chicken alfredo (?), but it follows in the footsteps of “Swag Surfin’” as a song that makes barely any sense but is still a ringtone anthem. I credit K.E.

The main problem with J. Futuristic is that Yung LA basically stole his style wholesale, but pushed it totally over the top and at the same time perfected it into something that is unique and interesting instead of unique and laughable. As a rapper I think LA is a guy who can rarely carry his own song but he’s a great guest rapper, mostly because he’s a good enough lyricist to whip up a decent verse and that wispy sing-song flow can be a great antidote to more lyrical rappers like, say, T.I. or Young Dro. On Gucci’s “Everything”, for example, LA is perfect for a sort of sleepy song about laconic and routine flossing.

As a persona though LA is kind of fascinating. I find his embracing of quote unquote fruitiness to be pretty brave in the way that it confronts the idea of a what a trap rapper is and because, for lack of a better phrase, he doesn’t just talk about fruity swag, he lives it, as evidenced by the fact that he, uh, puts glitter in his hair. The softness of Yung LA is, I think, besides the point. I admire him for really pushing forward with a style in an era where so many rappers follow trends both musically and otherwise. I like M.O.P. for being rap’s flagship bone-crushers, and in a perverse way I like Yung LA for so unapologetically pushing the pendulum in the other direction.

This LA song called “Taser Gun” produced by Jim Jonsin is pretty incredible, it’s like if Cindy Lauper was reborn as an Atlanta trapper. Maybe Yung LA should star in a remake of “Napoleon Dynamite”.

(There might be a whole post coming soon about how the Jim Jonsin/Yung LA “era” of Grand Hustle has totally ruined Young Dro, who’s been so swallowed by the fruity swag Bermuda Triangle that a guy with the same name as him has been able to score a hit with a style of song that Young Dro all but minted.)

15
Jul
09

Lyrics: Gucci Mane – “Weird”

ice

Gucci Mane – “Weird”

Well “Weird” certainly lives up to its name. The beat sounds like someone (I’m assuming Zaytoven) took a sledgehammer to an existing Zaytoven beat and then tried to piece it back together. It’s a really odd and interesting production, but if it is Zay it’s not thaaaat far off from, say, “First Day Out” or any one of his other beats that are really layered and have all these counterpointing keyboard riffs bouncing off each other.

Gucci’s verses are structured pretty appropriately to this beat, which is to say not at all. That said, the track doesn’t really feel stilted which is pretty amazing if you just try and read the lyrics back to yourself. He strings everything together though, totally in control. “Weird” really reminds me of a slightly less frantic version of the insane free association raps that Wayne was doing on that old Lil Weezyana tape. In terms of Gucci though, the verses are pretty reminiscent of the way he cannibalized his lines on “Wonderful.” Also his ad-libs on this are insane, like if a Komodo dragon was a rapper.

Anyway there’s a few things I know I got wrong here, so if you’ve got any corrections leave them in the comments.

(intro)
jingle bells
bubble kush smells
675 one ounce
my trap do numbers, chickens all summers
but come back dawg we’re out (out)

my swag turned up, my swag got an amp
your tramp seen the champ and her pussy got damp
chickens with the stamp
i count so much money that my fingers got a cramp
if you’re not with that camp i suggest you better vamp
i’m rollin up the plant
gucci mane’s an alien and you’re not even ant
never say can’t, ball, kevin durant
camp shine like lamps; guns, grass game gramp
crack a egg, that’s my charm, like an omelette on my arm
cuz my diamonds are my sons, yellow diamonds for my mom
he’ll go to the prom, sellin dope what i was doin
lamborghini, beemer, corvettes and my ten year class reunion

my flow so weird
diamonds same color as santa claus beard
ho ho hoes i think santa claus here
dashing through the snow in my old school chevrolet
over the hills we go, nina, i sold so much dope

my car got personality, the grille be smiling, honey
my rims are very charming and my leather seats are comfy
gucci major money shawty i get crazy cloudy
have a baby by me probly maybe i’ll buy you an audi
maui wowie, stupid cloudy, loudy got me rowdy rowdy
chevy caprice 73 play master p im bout it bout it
prints color mariah carey, if they’re candid ask about it
tell em that big gucci said it, so icey get stupid with it
drop top be, passenger seat celebrity
seven chains on so gucci mane shining heavily
cocaine heavenly, soft white prejudice
all white bricks same color as my necklace

my flow so weird
diamonds same color as santa claus beard
ho ho hoes i think santa claus here
dashing through the snow in my old school chevrolet
over the hills we go, nina, i sold so much dope

[???] jumper, i can’t throw a slider
but gucci mane’s a rider, slide by any spider
spiker, viper, vette with rally striper
tiger stripe pits in my house, ready to bite ya
standards way higher, don’t have time to tie em
cocaina fry em, gas don’t cut the eye uh
bags full of kushy, beg a pussy to push me
brick ya from the roofie, uses it for a cushion
gushin, whippin, my watch is good lookin
attractive, handsome, damn that bitch is lookin
gucci— admit it, realest that ever did it
committed, my ceiling’s on penny gutter and gritty

my flow so weird
diamonds same color as santa claus beard
ho ho hoes i think santa claus here
dashing through the snow in my old school chevrolet
over the hills we go, nina, i sold so much dope

jingle bells
bubble kush smells
675 one ounce
my trap do numbers, chickens all summers
but come back dawg we’re out (out)

29
Jun
09

Jap/Dro/Big Kuntry – “How We Get”

Jap ft. Young Dro and Big Kuntry – “How We Get” (prod. by Zaytoven) (via DGB)

So this is another loopy, sing-song celebratory jam to file next to those K.E. joints. Not surprised that this is coming from Zaytoven either seeing as he’s been killing it with these type of bleepy synths since forever but I’ve never heard a beat from him with such an overt and driving melody so I’m inclined to chalk it up to the influence of swag music. All the verses are pretty dope but Dro’s stuck with me because he so shamelessly cops from Yung LA, but the way he effortlessly slides in between LA-style whiny (and endearing) singing and his typical mealy-mouthed car raps is pretty amazing and organic. And Big Kuntry has the best punchlines \(o_O)/. He kinda sounds like DJ Paul, no?

I’m not totally sure what to think of these songs except that I like them. They’re certainly really positive and happy songs— not that that really means anything generally, but they’re nice to hear in the summer. They remind me of when everyone gets drunk and start singing off-key. Good times shit. Atlanta rappers are having fun.

25
Jun
09

K.E., producer of the summer?

l_83127b91443c4d229dbd170a454840b8

Dirty Red – “M.O.N.E.Y.” (prod. by K.E.)
Young Squad – “Turn My Swag Up” (prod. by K.E.)

K.E.’s the guy who did “Swag Surfin’”, which for a “who the hell are these guys?” single that no one will remember in three months is pretty amazing. The chorus is one of the best pop-rap hooks of the year if you care about that kind of thing (I do), and it’s basically built around K.E.’s beat, which is as melodic as it is totally flat and thin. Almost all of K.E.’s tracks follow the same template as “Swag Surfin’” with these totally fake horn blasts burying blippy keyboards and drums that sound like he’s poking holes in styrofoam cups, but his reliance on these plastic midi horns gives his beats a real sense of regality and they work especially well as sort-of underdog anthems. These two tracks sound like kids trying to replicate the, for lack of a better term, kingliness of “What You Know” and they succeed in a sense because K.E. is able to make the tinny feel just as huge as a Toomp beat. This stuff is obviously also post-snap, but where “Laffy Taffy” and “Lean Wit It, Rock Wit It” were all about space and clicks and hisses, K.E. beats smush sounds together like a granola bar. He’s great at writing these circular synth melodies that give his songs a melodic underpinning (to be honest they sound kind of like nursery rhymes, but not in the obnoxious way like “Chain Hang Low”) and on tracks like “M.O.N.E.Y.” and “Turn My Swag Up” he reminds me of nu-Jim Jonsin if the guy wasn’t trying to make it on NOW compilations with every song. K.E.’s production aesthetic is very much “of the radio” and yet he has been able to define the sound of underground Atlanta (along with guys like Nard & B) while at the same time having a melodic sensibility that has helped him carve out a sound that is very much his own.

K.E.’s YouTube channel

25
Jun
09

The greatness of Jackie Chain

l_687f05532757d8f436dee29c99c3f21d

Jackie Chain – “Diamonds & Cadillacs” (via BLVD ST )
Jackie Chain – “Alabama Dodgers” (via DGB)

Jackie’s perfected this style of rap that is super direct and determined and where there are no wasted words and every line is like a very pointed statement of purpose. I get the sense that he writes every rhyme two lines at a time and then connects them together for verses because all of his songs are about cars, drugs and girls, but it yields amazing results where his songs are just full of incredible couplets that are basically like mottos. Here are my favorites from “Diamonds & Cadillacs”, in random order and in all caps cuz Jackie is a very urgent rapper:

ALL ABOUT MY MAHNEY
SUNGLASSES ARMANI
BOUT TO HOLLER AT THIS BITCH THAT LOOK LIKE GWEN STEFANI

AC BLOWIN
WHOLE TRUNK BOOMIN
BIG BOY SHIT
CHROME GRILL AND WOMAN

LOBES ARE CAVALLI, RC DIAMONDS STUDDED
CADILLAC IS CUSTOM WITH THE INTERIOR GUTTED

CADILLAC PIMPIN, AINT NOTHIN LIKE IT
PUT THE TOP UP SO I CAN WATCH THESE HOES DYKE IT

etc.

He reminds me of Paul Wall (only partly cuz both are light-skinned) in how he shows that simple couplets about material shit can yield great rap if you’re to-the-point, you know what you’re talking about and you realize that words like “studded” and “gutted” make a dope rhyme.

“Alabama Dodgers” is great in its own right:

I BASE MY WEED PRICES ON EXCHANGE RATES
WE CROSS THE BORDER SWITCH CARS AND THEN CHANGE PLATES
I DONT UNDERSTAND MY PLUG, HE GOT THAT FUNNY TALK
AND I DONT SPEAK HIS LANGUAGE, I JUST LET MY MONEY TALK

This is just total chest-thump shit to me and I think it’s the best. Jackie is one of my five favorite rappers right now and he needs to put out an album immediately.

16
Jun
09

A Gucci Mane lyrics post

“Wonderful” is here.

“Gorgeous”, “First Day Out”, “Hustlers Anthem (remix)”, “Wrist Gliss” and “Tall Rims” (ft. DG Yola and OJ) all after the jump. “Gorgeous” is especially clinical.

corrections/suggestions in the comments.

“wonderful”

wonderful, wonderful, damn i feel wonderful
im lookin at your girl and i feel like fuckin her
wonderful, wonderful, damn she feels wonderful
she ridin with a star and we smokin in the car
i feel wonderful, wonderful, damn i feel wonderful
so many diamonds on that i’m lowering the temperature
wonderful, wonderful, damn i feel wonderful
i know you hate, bruh, but that’s so understandable

red bezel on my jacob looking like a sliced tomato
fuck a hater i blow acres of jamaica in decatur
im so extraordinary while my bracelet so canary
choppers that my niggas carry probably scare the military
half your budget spent on luggage, spent your mortgage on a portrait
purple bud look like an orchid, cant afford it? watch me torch it
tell your shorty, gucci at her birthday party, cost a 40
this imported foreign flying saucer make me feel important
tell big booty gina from virginia if you ever see her
i remember last november and i can’t wait till the sequel
where’s my equal? i don’t see him, never met him, never meet him
if i meet him, i’ma greet him, beat him, eat him up and leave him

wonderful, wonderful, damn i feel wonderful
im lookin at your girl and i feel like fuckin her
wonderful, wonderful, damn she feels wonderful
she ridin with a star and we smokin in the car
i feel wonderful, wonderful, damn i feel wonderful
so many diamonds on that i’m lowering the temperature
wonderful, wonderful, damn i feel wonderful
i know you hate, bruh, but that’s so understandable

[???] like a landshark, tell me where the gills
switching gears, damn look the wheels leave me with the chills
on the real, gucci vacuum sealed, fuck them record deals
selling pills, moving pounds of med, kept a pocket scale
bitches love me cuz my pockets chubby, money stupid lanky
and im drankin while im driving, diamond solitaire on panky
they aint owing, so my money growin, blowin, rollin o and
drop top beemer, yeah it’s foreign, ralph lauren shirt, im sippin don
and then while im managin’, leave you stilted like a mannequin
frantic and they panickin they see we got advantages
only got one life to get, i wish i had two or three
so icey the family so bury me as S.I.B.

Continue reading ‘A Gucci Mane lyrics post’

11
Jun
09

A Missed Opportunity

How is this not called SNACKS ON DECK???